Hotel of Death: Referee's Edition
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Room Contents
The room decor looks like something out of the 1920s.
There is wood and chrome everywhere. It is very luxurious.
A very deap shag carpet covers the floor. The 'window' can
be set to show many scenes ranging from the view outside the
hotel to a simulated view from a deep space luxury liner.
In addition to the vidio, there is a sound circuit which can
be cut out. The following furniture are located in the
suite commons area.
(1) Very Large color 3-D TV with cable channels with
connection to the computer and the viewing window
vidio feed.
(2) Bathroom with large tub and sonic water shower.
(3) Well stocked wet bar.
(4) Round sunken couch with magic fingers vibrator
circuitry.
(5) Small yet complete kitchen.
(6) Large table with 12 chairs.
(7) Two desks with an office style chair.
(8) Phone.
(9) Computer console capable of taping into the hotel
computer, the planetary computer network and the
starport computer network.
(10) Assorted lamps.
In addition to the common area furniture, the
individual rooms are equiped with the following furniture.
(1) Two queen sized beds.
(2) 25 inch color 3-D TV with cable channels.
(3) Small refrigerator
(4) Phone
(5) Assorted lamps.
(6) Couch
(7) Two armchairs.
Rumors at the Hotel
(1) Plans for an Imperial Battlestation were stolen by
Solomani Rebels.
(2) There are androids loose in the hotel.
(3) The Italian food is really good here.
(4) The last safety check of hte floating restaurant was
a total failure. The floater platforms are unsafe.
(5) The floating restaurant was passed with flying colors
in the last safety inspection.
(6) The athletic facilities are very high quality.
(7) The Chinese food is terrible in the mall.
(8) The plateau has its own power supply.
(9) The plateau's power supply is a solar power
generator.
(10) There is a science fiction and fantasy convention
starting in 2 weeks.
(11) There is a strange man wandering around the hotel
looking for a larg blue box with solomani writing on
it. The box was stolen from outside the exhibition
hall.
(12) One of the stars of "Monday the 16th, Part IV" is
wandering around the hotel.
(13) There has been a rash of robberies from hotel rooms.
(14) Outhop, the famous jewel theif, was sighted on the
cable car system last week.
(15) A scientific group which was studying the natives in
their own enviroment is two weeks overdue.
(16) There was a firefight in the hotel lobby last night.
(17) There was a firefight in the mall last night.
(18) There was a firefight in the pool area last night.
(19) There was a firefight in the cable car station last
night.
(20) The hotel has its own SWAT team.
Rumors at the Hotel
(21) A Vagar was found floating in the hotel pool.
(22) The cable car wires were cut last night.
(23) The hotel management is growing drugs in the
greenhouse.
(24) The hotel has an extensive air circulation system.
(25) You can go anywhere via the hotel's airducts.
(26) Someone died in the chinese restraunt last week.
(27) Strange noises were heard from the ventilation ducts
last night around midnight.
(28) The natives have a temple in the jungle wich has a
very large treasure store house.
Bands at the Hotel
4-Story Fall
Arcana
Crash Palace
Filthy Rich
Ghost Poll
MacGyvers' Escape
Mad Atcha
New Rules
Not the Fetal Wombats
Outcast Society
Persona Non Grata
Remarkable Rhythm Cattle
Rude Animation
Rural Electric
Shock Theater
The Little Blue Dudes
The Smithereens
Tragic Dream
War Babies
Guns and Rosaries
Nuns with Guns
Movies at the Hotel
2001 Dalmatians Purple Rain Man
39 Step-mothers Are Aliens Radio Days of Thunder
A Boy and his God Raging Bull Durham
About last night of the Living DRoom with a View to a Kill
Adventures in Babysitting Bill aRussia House of Cards
Alexie Sayles, South Afrikan VamSingin' in the Purple Rain
American Graffiti Bridge Slow Boat to China Syndrome
Angelheart at My Table Smokey And The Time Bandits
Animal House Party Sound of the Music Man
Any Which Way but Loose Change Spaceballs the Odyssey
Back to the Futureshock St. Elmo's Firestarter
Backdraft to the Future Stakeout of Africa
Bambi vs. Cthulhu Stand and Deliver by Me
Bill & Ted & Carol & Alice's ExcStarnTrekvII:uThe Grapes Of The Wrath Of Khan
Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice's RestTerminators Of Endearment
Children of a Lesser Corn God The Adventures of Roger Rabbit Test
Code of Silence of the Lambs The Breakfast Club of Tiffany's
Couch Trip to Bountiful The Color (of) Purple Money
Crocodile Gandhi The Creature From The Blue Lagoon
Dirty Dances With Wolves The Elephant Man With Two Brains
ET does Dallas The Fabulous Baker Boys from Brazil
Earth Girls are Easy Money The Grateful Dead Poet Society Movie
Elder Secrets of Glorantha The Jungle Fever Book
Escape from New York Stories The Magnificent Seven Year Itch
Fast Times at Ridgemont High PlaThe Manfwho would be king & I
Flashdances with Wolves The Postman Always Rings Twice in a Lifetime
Godzilla Must Be Crazy! The Sunshine Boys in the 'hood
Guess Who's Coming Late for DinnThe Woman in Red Heat
Harold & Micki & Maude The Year Of Johnny Dangerously
Hellcats of the Navy Seals Three Men And Rosemary's Baby
Howard the Duck Soup To Live and Die in LA Story
Hunt for Red Sonja Troop Beverly Hills Cop
I married a Zhodani Valley of the Gods Must Be Crazy
Kiss of the Spider Woman in Red Voyage to the Bottom of the Gutter
Lambada: The Forbidden Planet What About Bob And Carol And Ted And Alice?
Lassy Phone Home What's Up Doc Hollywood
License To Kill A Mockingbird Whatever Happened to Three Men and Baby Jane?
Little Orphan Tate (Little Man WheneDirty Harry Met Sally...
Live & Let Die Hard Who's That Valleygirl?
Lord of the Flies of Discipline Young Naked Guns
Marathon Rain Man Zorro, The Gay Blade Runner
Mary Whitehouse, League Against Everything
Meaning of the Life of Brian
Mo' Better Blues Brothers
My Darling, My Hamburger Hill
My Mother the Starfighter
Naked Gun(s) of Navarone
New Jack City Slickers
Nightmare On Wall Street
Northwest Passage to India
Ordinary Cat People
Pee Wee's Big Adventures In Babysitting
Peggy Sue Got Married To The Mob
Shopping Mall Directory
Apparel
Jewelry/Gifts
Shoes
Department Stores
Food
Electronics
Hobby/Leisure
Service/Financial
Home Furnishings
Accessories
Miscellaneous
Other Areas
Shopping Mall Directory (by number)
18 A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S. 239 St. Leibowitz Gifts
19 Dayglow Foods 240 M. Dillon Bookseller
20 Community Room 241 Electron 1-Hour Photo
21 Deb Shopper 242 The Woolen Duck
22 Mark Leonard 243 Skid Rowe
23 Self-Service Post Office 244 Floorshien
24 Mall Offices 245 Orc Steak House
25 Mailboxes Etc. 246 Heavyweight
26 Ralphing Shoe Service 247 Zoomp
27 M. Dillon Wetware Etc. 248 The Cutlery
28 Artsie 249 Imperial Travel
29 Viennson's Zhodani Imports250 Aimee's Watermarks
30 In Coming 251 Anna Tylor
31 Gray Expectations 252 Lady Astor's Gallery
32 Musackland 253 Things Dismembered
33 Crab Bee Toys & Hobby 254 Maxim's Saloon
34 Beadrooms for Kids 255 Jesters
35 Stride Write 256 J.C. Centicredits
36 Galactic Seat 257 J.C. Centicredit Restaurant
37 Nutrition Cluster 258 d.d.b. dahlstrom
38 Depressed Teller 259 Casual Intersection
39 Kick Ass in the Mall 260 Megaapple
40 Botchman's 320 Lightsabers and Longarms
41 Daytona's 321 Pixie Photo
42 The Courting Palm 322 J.R. Budd
43 Rotund House 323 Sontarans
44 Freddie Krueger 324 Kellen Heller
45 Brookstone 325 Fifth Avenue Bootery
46 Delta Khi Claymore 326 Michelle
47 Gym Locker 327 Goldman Jewelers
48 Solomani Flower Market 328 William Tell's
220 Cinema 7 329 Christine's Roadkill Cafe
221 Instant Thrash Machine 330 M. Miller's
222 Shower Power 331 Smurfette's
223 Bride Shop 332 Tom Baker
224 Knocked Up Shoppe 333 The Unlimited
225 Victoria's Secret 334 Clones Unlimited
226 Graphics on the Moors 335 Computerworld
227 Rodent World 336 Buster Keaton
228 Hashish Plantation 337 KGB Men's Store
229 Italian Feeding Frenzie 338 Teats
230 Genghis Activewear 339 Scarlet Letters
231 Lens Crackers 340 SHE Devil
232 Spinward Spacelines 341 Kidney
233 Don Guilt Shop 342 Sans Solo
234 Punch and Judy 343 Shelley's Really Tall Girl
235 Fanny Candy 344 J.B. Hudson Jewelers
236 Mrs. Field's Tossed Cookie345 Pinstripes Petites
237 Down 'N Outs 346 Morrow's Nuts
238 Un-natural Food Centre 347 Dead Julius
348 Burger Thing
349 It's Geeks for Me!
Shopping Mall Directory (by number)
350 Lickety Split 454 DePalma's Jewelers
351 Giganto's 455 Norman Rockwell Cosmetics
352 Peck & Wood 456 Wernher Von Braun's Coat Store
353 Jon Hen3ri 457 GoGo
354 Foldermench Optical 458 Susie 's Casual
355 Gnarlies Garden Terrorist 459 Read Cross Shoes
356 Coreward Reaches 460 Bottoms Up
357 Pizza Zone 461 Regial
358 Los Primos 462 Mr. Big
359 McDroogie's 463 Satan & Lace
360 Swineson's Ice Cream Facto464 Lances
361 Hot Dogs and Moors 465 Zhodani Consulate
362 Gonzo Pocket Burgers 466 The Celestial Bed
363 Elmer Fuddmuckers 467 Rick's Cafe' Solomani
364 Johnston & Masters 468 The Cathouse
365 Stamps & Tramps 469 The Farce
366 The International 470 Sea Moo
367 Dr. Chandler's 471 Games by Lames
420 Undiscovered Country 472 Hyperwave Shack
421 Gorky Park Skating Goods 473 We Surf
422 Melvin Outreach 520 Clone Arrangers
423 Lady Bird Johnson 521 State Fern Insurance
424 Stepford Mates 522 Uplifters
425 Snide Brothers Drugs 523 Junta Outfitters
426 Top Rech 524 Childhoods's End
427 Childern Barbers 525 Imperial Armed Forced Recruiters
428 Joanna Fabrics 526 Shrunkdown Palace
429 Swinger 527 The Magic Labyrinth
430 Kid's Hugland 528 Well of Souls
431 Haunt & Peek 529 The Vulgar Dragon
432 Blitz 530 Find It Fast
433 Golden Fleace 531 Trumpdaughters
434 Anita Bryant 532 Clathracs Persuasion
435 Jury Riggings 533 D.B. Cooper's Fix
436 Skyline Hoisery 534 The Puzzle Palace
437 Karmelporn 535 Trumpdaughters' Orion Room
438 Knights Shinywear 536 The Sign of Chaos
439 Spinward Costume 537 R. R. Diner
440 Galactic Uniform 538 L. Palmer
441 Richard Prior's 539 Computers 'R Us
442 Silk Road 540 Horne's Department Store
443 The Cutting Edge 541 Club Justine
444 Chez Chocolat Diet Centre 542 Sad Jack's
445 Berman Cloneskin 543 The Rafters
446 Spinster Gifts 544 The Backdoor Lounge
447 Hess' Sports 545 The Gentleman Looser
448 Hologram Shop 546 Traveller's Aid Society
449 Now & Again 547 Bland Buys
450 Sox Appeal 548 Computer Exercise World
451 Hindenburg Diamonds 549 Clubbed Foods
452 Peterson's Sportswear 550 Galactic Press
453 Wernher Von Braun's 551 Chrome and Steel
Shopping Mall Directory (by number)
552 Dream Electronics
People at the Hotel
(1) Dan Smith (27) Michio Nikado
(2) Tom Berg (28) Christina Meckel
(3) Dan Monaghan (29) Tom Gallagher
(4) Liz Monaghan (30) Nancy Gallagher
(5) Keri Monaghan (31) Marcella Billstrom
(6) Lynn Monaghan (32) Fun-Fun Cheng
(7) Jonas Viik (33) Ting-Ting Cheng
(8) David McLaughlan (34) Sandy Sue Given
(9) Steve Gumnit (35) Johny Fang
(10) P.J. Lockeran (36) Paula Flemming
(11) Shawn Lockeran (37) Thale Cross
(12) Kevin Lockeran (38) Carla Faine
(13) Ajeff Colton (39) Randy Geller
(14) Barbara Colton (40) Laura Bloom
(15) Brian Colton (41) Holiday Hale
(16) Aimee Colton (42) Ian Kraabel
(17) Jason Colton (43) Karin Marx
(18) Jenny Briller (44) Chase Turner
(19) Karen Briller (45) Laura Grether
(20) Leon Jones (46) Rock Miller
(21) Sam Easton (47) Carobeth Glasscock
(22) Mary Easton (48) Michael Beasley
(23) Mary-Ann Cunningham (49) Mary Burch
(24) Silvia Becker (50) Rosemarie Moreken
(25) Audrey Lyness (51) Sara Theimer
(26) Marta Medcalf (52) Patrica Tanaka
People at the Hotel
(53) Laura Rowley (79) David Glick
(54) Steven Rowley (80) Sun-Hyon Yim
(55) Alisa Kieffer (81) Bea Prati
(56) Sam Keiffer (82) Jay Keil
(57) Tanja Lian (83) Margaret Zhou
(58) Gary Tuskin (84) Mary McMillian
(59) Kyle MacKay (85) Antonio McMillian
(60) Debran Rowland (86) Michael McMillian
(61) Laura Dameron (87) Creig Mitchell
(62) Veronique Alcaraz (88) Danial Packer
(63) Christopher Yetman (89) Karla Keeling
(64) Lisa Wild (90) James Leach
(65) Lisa Bienhoff (91) Melissa Whelan
(66) Ani Hyslop (92) Clara VanHorne
(67) Chang Lim (93) Candi
(68) Sophie Mayr (94) Baron Rick Danmier
(69) Jennifer Colby (95) Robin Ulfas Pendar
(70) Warren Colby (96) Atea
(71) Eric Stenson (97) Winston North
(72) Tim Baxter (98) Winchester
(73) Susan Baxter (99) Will Addams
(74) Matthew Wieman (100) Pamela Berker
(75) Daniel Williams (101) Marquis Stanson
(76) Alexandra Williams (102) Bill Hauerberg
(77) Andrea Able (103) Maggie Johnson
(78) Leah Golden (104) James Klien
People at the Hotel
(105) Conrad (131) Kuan Yin
(106) Kinpin (132) Kuan Wang
(107) Mary Forbin (133) Lu Wei
(108) Nick Glerbert (134) Lin Fugh
(109) Steve Armsorg (135) Arther Laffer
(110) Vick Hunt (136) Jim Pugh
(111) Ian Horswill (137) Ling Dough
(112) Leon Alexis (138) Will Addams II
(113) Tiena Dianna Dornis (139) Jan of Devine
"Nina"
(140) Dick Kappa
(114) Mithriel
(141) Goranson
(115) Steven Savage
(142) Thersa Leville
(116) Jason Girree
(143) Scott Marker
(117) Gregory Rainer
(144) Mike Janson
(118) David Frich
(145) Mary Jones
(119) Telemar
(146) Eric Eaton
(120) Borderline
(147) Eron Wu
(121) Lynn McCabe
(148) David Korf
(122) Alex Kent
(149) Stacey Taylor
(123) Chris Zee
(150) Michael Philque
(124) James Booker
(151) Marquis Robert
(125) Eric Stroton
(152) Harry Giryole
(126) Mark Parten
(153) Rachel Felbar
(127) Kevin Matheny
(154) Benjamin Gelt
(128) Captain Robert McCoy
(155) Zaech Helmich
(129) Lu Pin
(156) Mick Mijan
(130) Wang Ta
People at the Hotel
(157) Lori McKaven (183) Skull Dager
(158) Carlos (184) Christopher Newman
(159) Alex Corday (185) Charles Piehl
(160) Charles Forbin (186) Scott McCandles
(161) Wystan Landis (187) Mithra Golmea
(162) William Walker (188) Geraldo Rivera
(163) Gorache Vorster (189) Kathy Valentine
(164) Charles Mirabel (190) Belinda Carlisle
(165) Eric Steton (191) Jane Weidlin
(166) Jodie Goldstein (192) Gina Schock
(167) Jim Varnell (193) Charlotte Caffey
(168) Mary Scetor (194) Ginger Canzoneri
(169) Nina Quarven (195) Spike
(170) Paula Hewitt (196) Sir Edmund Drummond
(171) Jack Essaxet (197) Doug Riechter
(172) Janet Mason (198) Jan Hanson
(173) Lucifer Rolexbirr (199) Ron Richins
(174) Kyle Vincent (200) Terry Lee Mull
(175) Elizabeth Casy (201) Karl Ghustav
(176) Brian Armijo (202) Richard Eckhouse
(177) Philip Marton (203) Lois Malain
(178) Tammy Mercury (204) Alex Standec
(179) Baron Victor Von (205) Jack of Shadows
Schtup
(206) Michael Narvek
(180) David Nielson
(207) Riel Nistless
(181) Les Twedell
(208) Elisabeth Casey
(182) Clint Westwood
People at the Hotel
(209) Kierell Nilandra (235) Marisa Bond
(210) Mills Jet Bond (236) Marice Gibbs
(211) Yyvone (237) Pasov Kratz
(212) Bill Maxwell (238) General Paul Papist
(213) Kylarra (239) Heather McCoy
(214) Jade (240) Deborah Rogers
(215) Mordred (241) Jason Hess
(216) Mike Weston (242) Nate Hawthorne
(217) Kathy (243) Carl Gustav
(218) Trish Smith (244) Bruce McCoy
(219) Guy Lafortune (245) John Robbinson
(220) Tara Gidwani (246) Dave Armstrong
(221) Ham Tyler (247) Pancho Graves
(222) Alan Ladd (248) Ann Phillips
(223) Brandt Legler (249) Lady Carrie Swedona
(224) Barroness Belinda (250) Peter Wolffe
(225) Cal Bowz (251) San Solo
(226) Jack Friligen (252) Doctor Margret McCoy
(227) Baron Alfred Von Der (253) Frank Langela
Hahn
(254) Gary Tibbs
(228) Lady Liza Guingel
(255) Otto Strause
(229) Kathryn Mansfield
(256) Eric Lockin
(230) Joe Makensie
(257) Nancy Lundquist
(231) John Littleford
(258) Leah Devorak
(232) Johana Alama
(259) Liam Taffe
(233) Llyod George
(260) Charles Grant
(234) Larant Adams
People at the Hotel
(261) Nancy Starfall (287) Craven Stickyfingers
(262) Brent Kingsly (288) Daniel L. Rouk
(263) Blake Von Roven (289) Dara Nimble
(264) Anne McComb (290) Darin McGrew
(265) Amy Jo Cleary (291) David Mar
(266) John Steed (292) Duke Adder Mistof
(267) Emma Peel (293) Duke Jupiter
(268) Alexander Munday (294) Elsbeth Mackay
(269) Derek Flint (295) Elyssa
(270) Susan Hilton (296) Father Takei
(271) Modesty Blaise (297) Frank Stroker
(272) "Fingers" Larson (298) Gary G Zipfel
(273) Alexia Falk (299) Gilarth Longbow
(274) Alfred Qualudes (300) Girion Firefeet
Asparagus III
(301) Glad Baggins
(275) Alyssa of the Woods
(302) Glenn Host
(276) Amur Staker
(303) Grindon Mindfogger
(277) Andrew Bell
(304) Ian Daniel
(278) Anton Onre
(305) Ira the Blue Prince
(279) Aq of the Flame
(306) Ivon Critchfield
(280) Aramath Laforce
(307) Ivyleaf Silldar
(281) Arbor Thebus III
(308) James Kittock
(282) Asp Lim
(309) Jarina Mieran
(283) Blotto Undertable
(310) Jason Fike
(284) Brett Wuth
(311) Johnny Wad
(285) Broca Longtree
(312) Jonathan Sari
(286) Burt Fan
People at the Hotel
(313) Jonny the Zamick (339) Reth Flarthall
(314) Judas Iscariot (340) Shandar Van Der Graaf
(315) Kari Shafft (341) Snoozer Vine
(316) Katrina (342) Stephon Malgray
(317) Lisamarie Babik (343) Tanya Benkei
(318) Lyanna Mari (344) Veleda McCloud
(319) Mark A. Schleifer (345) Vernard C. Martin
(320) Mark Hassman
(321) Mark Thomas
(322) Max G. Webb
(323) Michael Woodhams
(324) Mike McAllister
(325) Mike Whitaker
(326) Miles Tage
(327) Moonlark
(328) Naomi Blackthought
(329) Nemisis
(330) Nightshade
(331) Nimrodel Silverleaf
(332) Nyssa
(333) Paul Brinkley
(334) Pauli Veldar
(335) Pee-Wee McGee
(336) Rand Silvershard
(337) Randy Escoto
(338) Regis Baya
Blackadder Quotes
+----------------------------------------------------+
| Standard abbreviations used here are : |
+----------------------------------------------------+
| EB Edmund Blackadder |
| B Baldric |
| G George (Whether Prince [BA 3] or Lt [BA 4] ) |
| LF Lord Flashheart |
| BA1 Blackadder, Series 1 |
| BA2 Blackadder, Series 2 |
| BA3 Blackadder, Series 3 |
| BA4 Blackadder, Series 4 |
+----------------------------------------------------+
1 "Baldric, go forth into the streets and announce
that Lord Blackadder wishes to sell his house.
Percy, just go forth into the streets."
- EB, "Money", BA2
2 "So you don't know the way to France either -
bugger."
- EB, "Potato", BA2, to Captain Redbeard Rum
3 "My Lord, I have a cunning plan."
- Baldric, several times, BA3 / BA4
4 "I think I'll write my tombstone - Here lies Edmund
Blackadder, and he's bloody annoyed."
- EB, BA4
Blackadder Quotes
5 G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do
we do ?"
EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200
feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide
area."
- somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
6 EB: "You don't look like Charlie Chaplin, Baldric.
You don't have a moustache."
B: "No, Sir. But I have this - a dead slug."
- BA4
7 EB: "What is your name, boy ?"
Boy: "Kate."
EB: "Kate, that's an unusual name for a boy."
Boy: "It's short for ... Bob."
- Kate, trying to pass as a boy, BA2
8 "Don't worry, you'll get over her. I did, and so
did Baldric."
- EB to Percy, when he discovers a new love, BA2
9 "I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell!"
- EB, after finding out he's going 'over the top',
BA4
Blackadder Quotes
10 "I made a note in my diary on the way over here. It
simply reads - bugger."
- Capt Darling, after being sent to the trench to
go over the top, BA4.
11 LF: "You should treat your aircraft like you treat
your woman."
BA: "So you should take your plane out to dinner
and a movie?"
LF: "No, get in her 5 times a day and take her to
heaven and back!"
- LF, teaching the 20 minuters, BA4
12 "That would be as hard as finding a piece of hay in
an incredibly large stack of needles."
- EB
13 G: "What is your name?"
EB: "Wubble."
G: "What is 2 plus 2?"
EB: "Wubble, Wubble."
- EB, trying to prove he is mad, in his bunker,
with underpants on his head and a pendil up each
nostril, BA4
14 "I'm as excited as a terribly excited person who
has a really good reason for being terribly
excited."
- G, after being asked by Gen. Melchett how he
feels about going over the top, BA4.
Blackadder Quotes
15 B: "I want my mother."
EB: "Ah, yes. A maternally crazed gorilla would
come in handy at this very moment."
- BA4
16 "Have yyou ever visited Planet Earth ?"
- EB to the General, BA4.
17 "You've taken a vow of silence, how fascinating.
Tell me about it."
- Lord Percy, to EB's religios Uncle Whiteadder,
Beer, BA2
18 "I'm going to a fancy dress party as Lady
Hamilton's pussy."
- EB to the Price Regent, wearing a catskin cloak
he bought when he thought he was going to be
knighted.
19 "Baldric, that is the worst plan since Abe Lincoln
said to his wife, <I'm sick of sitting around the
house, let's catch a show>"
- EB, BA4
20 "This will be the greatest moment in art since Mona
Lisa walked into the studio and said, "I'm feeling
a little odd today"."
- EB to G and B, about to do his painting, BA4
Blackadder Quotes
21 "Nursie, am I glad to see you or did someone put a
canoe in my pocket."
- LF to Nursie, Bells, BA2
22 EB: "With 100,000 men dying every day, who's going
to miss one small pigeon?"
<BANG!>
G: "Well, obviously not you, Sir"
- BA4
23 Bob: "I wanted to see a war run *so* badly."
EB: "Well you've come to the right place, then.
There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf
the hairy, King of all the vikings, ordered 80,000
battle helmets with the horns on the inside."
<Alternatively>
23 Bob: "I wanted to see a war fought *so* badly."
EB: "Well you've come to the right place, then.
There hasn't been a war fought this badly since
King Otto the Incredibly Stupid, ordered 8,000
viking helmets with the horns on the inside."
- EB to 'Bob', BA4
24 "We're in a sticky situation all right. This is the
stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick insect
got caught on a sticky bun."
- EB, BA4
Blackadder Quotes
25 "Baldric, you have the intellectual capacity of a
dirty potato."
- EB
26 "Since then, we've made as much ground as an
asthmatic ant with a heavy load of shopping."
- EB commenting on Allied Progress in WWI, BA4
27 "Must it end this way, Baldric? Am I to cut you
into thin strips and tell the Prince that you
walked on an extremely sharp grid wearing a heavy
hat?"
- EB to Baldric, BA3
28 "Bloody potatoes. Next thing you know, they'll be
eating them."
- EB to B, Potato, BA2
29 "Believe me,Baldric, an eternity in the company of
Beelzebub and all his hellish minions will be as
*nothing* compared to five minutes alone with
me...and this pencil."
- EB to B
30 "Like private parts to the Gods are we, they play
with us for their sport."
- Lord Melchett to EB, Chains, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
31 "Oh, it was a scythe!"
- EB, after playing charades with his guard,
Chains, BA2
32 "She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she
likes the taste of a man's tonsils."
- LF, to camera, about Kate (Bob), Bells, BA2
33 "BUM! Get it? Sounds a bit like...bum really"
- Freddie Frobisher, Beer, BA2
34 "My every path is shrewn with cowpats from the
devils own satanic herd."
- EB, Beer, BA2
35 "And in Genoa, it is the custom to stand with one
foot in a bucket, pin a live frog to one's shoulder
braid, and go 'Bibble' and passers-by."
- EB to Queenie, Head, BA2
36 Percy: "Oh, yes, I touched her once."
EB: "You touched her where?"
Percy: "In the corridor."
EB: "I've never heard it called that before."
- Potato, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
37 "Bangs like a privvy door when the plague's in
town."
- EB to Percy, Bells, BA2
38 "That's very ironic, because I have a thingy that's
shaped like a turnip."
- B, Beer, BA2
39 "Baldric, you wouldn't recognize a subtle plan if
it painted itself purple and danced naked on a
harpsicord singing subtle plans are here again."
- EB to B, outside the throne room after
(apparently) outwitting Melchie, BA Christmas
Special
40 Hag: "Two things you must know about the wise
woman. First...she is a woman. Second...she is..."
EB: "Wise?"
Hag: "Oh! You know her then?"
EB: "No, just a stab in the dark, which is what
you'll be getting in a minute if you don't become
more helpful."
- EB to Olf Hag, Bells, BA2
41 "They do say, Mrs Miggins, that verbal insults hurt
more than physical pain. They are, of course,
wrong as you shall find out when I stick this
toasting fork in you.
- EB to Mrs Miggins after being called a mere
butler, BA3
Blackadder Quotes
42 "Ah, Percy. The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but
Mr Brain has long since departed."
- EB to Percy, BA2
43 "Well, Baldric, I would just like to say how much I
enjoyed your company and friendship but we both
know that that would be an utter lie, so Sod Off
and if I ever see you again, it will be a billion
years too soon.
- EB
44 [Prince Regent]"...he has all the social grace of a
potty."
- BA3
45 "...what squirrell...ooohhh, that squirrel."
- BA3
46 "We're as similar as two dissimilar things in a
pod."
- EB to Mrs Miggins re his cousin McAdder
47 "I have a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on
it and call it a weasel."
- EB to B, BA3
Blackadder Quotes
48 "Mr Blackadder has been made returning officer,
after the previous officer tragically cut his head
off while combing his hair."
- Reporter, reporting on EB's new job.
49 Queenie : "Lord Percy, either you can Shut Up, Or
you can have your head cut off."
Percy: <Thinks>
Percy: <Thinks>
Percy: <Thinks>
Percy: "I'll shut up."
- Queenie and Percy, BA2
50 "Baaaaaa."
- EB to Melchie, in prison, BA2 (if you don't
understand this one, you'd better watch the last
episode of series 2.)
51 "Many apil-ogies for the in-con-wien-ience".
- Queenie reading Price Ludwig's letter, BA2
(again, if you haven't seen it, this one will be
lost on you).
52 "...but the Prince is young and foolish and has a
peanut for a brain..."
- EB to Dr Samuel Johnson, author of the
Dictionary, BA3
Blackadder Quotes
53 "I am minuspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to
have caused you such perricabobulations."
- EB to Dr Samuel Johnson, author of the
Dictionary, BA3
54 LF: "I wasn't born yesterday, you know."
EB: "More's the pity, we could have started your
personality from scratch."
- EB and LF, BA4
55 "Sir, you are one of the most foul, disgusting,
immoral, perverted men that I have ever known. Have
you considered a career in the church?"
- The baby eating Bishop of Barton Wells, after
seeing the portrait, Money, BA2
56 "Well baste my steaming puddings!"
- Blackadder Christmas Special.
Blackadder Quotes
57 EB: "First Name?"
B: "I'm not sure."
EB: "Come on, you MUST have a first name."
B: "It might be Sod Off."
EB: "Sod Off??"
B: "Yeah, when I was a young lad playing in the
gutter, I used to say to all the other snipes,
"Hello, my names Baldrick". And they'd say, "Yes we
know, Sod Off Baldrick"
- Blackadder and Baldrick filling a application
form..
58 "Well cover me in egg and flour and bake me for 14
minutes!"
- Lt. George on discovering that the nurse was the
spy, BA3
59 "Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?"
- George on the belief that Blackadder is dead, BA4
60 "..I have decided to spend the money on... A Big
Party, Can't decide between between my two faves,
so I've decided to keep the money and spend it all
on a Big Splash Up. Hope you arn't too miffed. By-
eee"
- Queens letter on the ransoms, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
61 "Those who soil a Wellington put their foot in it.
This is not a joke. I don't find my name even
remotely funny and those that do end up dead."
- Duke of Wellingtons letter to The Prince Regent,
BA3
62 "I don't care if he has been rogering the Duke Of
York with a large leek. He killed my pigeon."
- General Meltchett on the death of his 'Speckled
Jim', BA4
63 "Dear Mr Chapman Stop Have found only man in the
world less funny than you stop Name is Baldrick
Stop Yours Captain E Blackadder stop. P.S. Please
please please please stop."
- EB commenting on Charlie Chaplin and Baldric, BA4
64 EB: "You have absolutely no idea what irony is,
have you Baldrick?"
B: "Yes I have. It's just like steely and goldie,
'cept it's made of iron"
65 G: "Oh yes, that says 'Here is a man'"
EB: "Or here are my genitals"
- Blackadder on the Princes stance advised by the
actors, BA3
Blackadder Quotes
66 G: "What I can't understand is why anyone would
want to kill you, Blackadder"
EB: "I rather think that is was you they after,
your Highness"
G: "What makes you say that?"
EB: "Well, the words 'Death to the stupid prince'
first brought it too my attention"
- EB and G on death attempt on Prince, BA3
67 "Your problem is that you can't tell the differnce
between acting and reality, Blackadder"
- Prince holding a bomb in his hand, BA3
68 "What you, Shorty greasy spot, spot"
- The Queen to Prince Ludwig, BA2
69 Melchett: "I'll never see England again, Her
rolling hills, her swooping swallows..."
EB: "Her playful sheep.."
- Meltchett and Blackadder in Ludwigs Prison, BA2
70 "Everything is still the same. Lord Percy is still
unemployed, your animal is still not housetrained,
and nursie here is still a few sticks short of a
bundle
- The Queen Wraps Up the court situation, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
71 "Ah ah, not so fast. No that it would make any
difference. We have the preliminary scetches..."
- EB to the Bishop of Barton Wells, after showing
him the incriminating painting, BA2
72 "I'm afraid that might not be far enough.
Apparently the head Mongol and the Duke are good
friends. They were at Eaton together."
- Blackadder to the Prince trying to escape the
Dukes wrath, BA2
73 "The idea of the game is to give away all your
money as fast as you can."
- The princes idea of how cards are played, BA3
74 "Oh my god she's been arrested and hanged!"
- The Prince discovers what happened to his Beloved
Amy.., BA3
75 "We're your firing squad."
- The firing squad meets Blackadder, BA4
76 George: "Apart from this occasion do you think of
Blackadder as a man who would normally disobey
orders?"
Darling: "Yes."
George : "Are you sure? I was rather banking on you
saying 'No' there."
- George questions Capt. Darling, BA4
Blackadder Quotes
77 "Me and you of course Darling, Field Marshall
Haugue, and Field Marshell's Haugue's wife, All her
friends, her friends servants, her friends servants
tennis partners, and some man I bumped into in the
mess last week named "######""
- Generals list of people knowing of the secret
plan, BA4
78 "So only me and the rest of the English speaking
world then"
- Blackadders summary of who knows of the 'Secret
Plan', BA4
79 "If I'm mean and nasty then my desendants will rule
the universe, but if I'm not I'll end up wearing
Baldricks posing pouch"
- Blackadder to Spirit of Christmas.
80 "Darling, stop slouching"
- General to an unconscious Capt Darling
(headbutted by Flash), BA4
81 "You'll need a very convincing injury then."
- General while shooting Darling in the foot to get
him in hospital, BA4
82 "I remember when I was young putting out biscuits
and a drink for Father Christmas - And then
scoffing it all because I was a princess and I
could do whatever I want!"
- Queen in BlackAdders Xmas special
Blackadder Quotes
83 EB: He has more flour mills than you have brain
cells.
G: Really how many mills has he got?
EB: Seven!
G: Ah yes, that is a lot!
- G, looking for a wife, EB talking about an
Industrialist's wealth, BA3
84 "Like the beard bridesmaid, gives me something to
hold on to!"
- Flash to Baldric, BA2, 'Bells'
85 "Here is a pouch of money, which I'm not going to
give to you."
- Lord Blackadder to Old Hag, 'Money'
86 "Because if it wasn't I'd have to chop it off and
that wouldn't be very nice would it, I mean,
imagine the mess when she got a cold! Yuck!!"
- Queeny to Edmund Blackadder, BA2, 'Bells'
87 "Why walk all the way to London when you can make a
fortune lying here on your back?"
- Kate's father to Kate, BA2, 'Bells'
Blackadder Quotes
88 Lord Melchit: "Lord Blackadder. Our foremost
cartographers have given us a map of the area
you'll be traversing."
EB: "But it's blank!"
LM: "Yes, they'd like you to fill it in as you go."
- BA2
89 EB: "I thought it was common maritime practise to
have a crew." Capt Rum: "Well, opinion on the
matter is divided m'Lord. All the other captains
say it is. I say it isn't."
- BA2
90 Baldrick: (after being shot in the groin with an
arrow). "I shall call it my lucky willie. Years
from now I shall take it out and show my
grandchildren.
EB: "I think grandchildren are out of the question
Baldrick."
- BA2
91 Lord Melchit: "What I drunk last night, would have
floored a rhinoscerous."
EB: "Yes, if it was allergic to lemonade."
- Beer, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
92 Lady Whiteadder: "Edmund. I hope you haven't
invited more guests. For where there are guest
there are people to fornicate with."
EB: "Well then, I'll just tell them to fornicate
off."
- Beer, BA2
93 EB: "I've got a problem with my manservant."
Doctor: "Well, just pop it on the table and we'll
have a look at it."
- BA2
94 Percy: "But aren't they the most fanatical
puritians in all of England?"
EB: "Yes, But they have one redeeming feature.
Their wallets. As capacious as an elephants
scrotum, and about as difficult to get your hands
on."
- BA2
95 Prince Ludwig - The indestructable: "So Lord
Melchit. We meet again."
LM: "No, I don't recall."
PL: "Remember that lonely sheppard you used to sit
with."
LM: "No you're not.."
PL: "Yes Lord Melchit. I. I was flossey. BAAAAAA."
- BA2
Blackadder Quotes
96 German Guards: Further insulting guestures to the
prisoners. (Guards place hands on hips and thrust
them forward. Melchie and BA kick or punch guards
in groin. Guards collapse.)
EB: "Trust me to get the hard one."
- BA2
97 Prince George: "To me, Blackadder, socks are like
sex. Tons of it about, and I never seem to get
any."
- BA3
Blackadder Quotes
98 "Ah ha. Lets see if I've got this straight."
"If I admit that I'm in love with..."
<guard shakes his head.>
"No??"
<guard does a half somersault>
"Oh, If I say that I'm head over heels in love with
Satan and all his little wizards, you will remove
my testicles with a blunt instrument resembling
some kind of gardening tool, but we can't quite
make that out, and roast them over a large fire.
Whereas, if I don't admit that I'm head over heels
in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you
will hold me upside down in a vat of warm
marmalade..
<pause..sees guard isn't finished...realisation>
AND remove my testicles with a blunt instrument
resembling some kind of gardening tool.
Well in that case, I love Satan....
<guard produces a scythe>
Oh, it's a scythe....."
- EB, BA2
99 "So what you are saying, Percy, is something you
have never seen is slightly less blue than
something else . . that you have never seen?"
- EB to Percy, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
100 EB: "Baldric, why do you have a piece of cheese
tied to your nose?
B: "To catch mice, my lord. I lie on the ground
with my mouth open and hope they scurry in."
EB: "Do they?"
B: "Not yet, my lord."
EB: "I am not surprised. Your breath comes
straight from Satan's bottom."
<Later, Baldric walks in with a dead mouse tied to
his nose>
EB: "Why?"
B: "I got tired of the all-mouse diet, my lord. I
thought I'd try cat instead."
- BA2
101 EB: "I wish to send some party invitations. In
order to make them look particularly fierce, I wish
to sign them in blood. Your blood, to be precise."
B: "Ah, I see. Will you be requiring me to cut off
an arm or a leg?"
EB: "Good lord, no! A little prick will do."
102 EB: "It is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks
out good and intelligent company, so by learned
discourse he may rise above the savage and closer
to God" Percy: "Yes, I've heard that"
EB: "Personally, however, I like to start the day
with a total dickhead, to remind me I'm best"
- BA2
Blackadder Quotes
103 "To you, Baldric, the Renaissance was something
that just happened to other people, wasn't it?"
- EB to B, BA2
104 "A man may fight for many things: his country, his
principles, his friends, the glistening tear on the
cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd
mudwrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an
amusing clock & a stack of French porn."
- EB, BA4
105 "Not _the_ Jane Harrington? Jane 'Bury Me in a Y-
shaped Coffin' Harrington?"
- EB to Percy, BA2
106 "We live in an imperfect world, Baldric... If we
lived in a perfect world, things like this wouldn't
happen." (whacks Baldric on the back of the head).
107 EB: "What's for dinner Baldrick ?"
B: "Rat au Van."
EB: "mmmmm... Rat au Vin !"
B: "Yes, it was going to be just plain Rat but the
Van ran over it."
- Discussing the dinner menu, BA4
108 "Madam, without you, life was like a broken
pencil...it was pointless."
- EB to Queenie, BA2
Blackadder Quotes
109 Melchit: "Some pleasant word game perhaps?"
EB: "OK make a sentence from these words, face
sodding your shut"
- BA2 when Edmund and Melchit are captured by
Ludwick
110 EB: "Flash where have you been?"
LF: "Where haven't I been, wooow!!"
- BA2
111 LF: "I have a plan, and it's as hot as my pants,
woow!!"
- BA2
112 LF: "Nursey, I like it firm and fruity"
- BA2
113 LF: "Ask me why I don't wear any underwear"
EB: "Why don't you have any underwear?"
LF: "Because a pair of pants haven't been invented
that will take the job on. wooooow!!"
- BA4
114 Baldric (?I think it was him): "Do you always talk
to yourself?"
EB: "Yes. It's the only way I can be sure of having
an intelligent conversation."
Blackadder Quotes
115 EB: "Percy, the colour of gold, is gold. Whatever
you have discovered if it has a name would be
called green."
Percy: "Oh Edmund can it be true, that I hold in my
mortal hands a nugget of purest GREEN??
- Percy after discovering the secret of alchemy,
BA2
116 EB: "Birdbrain and birdneck, should get on like a
house on fire!"
- Edmund talking about Percy and Baldrick, BA2
117 EB: "Maybe to another plate swallowing bird"
- Talking to Precy, when he is wearing a new ruff
(sp?) and thinks he's - attractive
118 George: "Tell me about these oppressed masses.
What's got them so worked up ?"
EB: "They're upset, sir, because they are so poor
that they are forced to have children merely to
provide a cheap alternative to turkey at
Christmas."
- BA3
119 George: "I've just had another brilliant idea."
Edmund: "Another one ?"
George: "Yes, you remember the one I had about
wearing underpants on the outside to save on
laundry bills."
- BA3
Blackadder Quotes
120 George: "Honestly Blackadder, I'm sick of you
treating me like I'm some sort of thickie. Well
it's not me that's thick, it's you Mr. thickie
Black thickie Adder thickie."
- BA3
121 EB: "One more insult from him and the contract
between us will be as broken as this milk jug."
Baldric: "But that milk jug isn't broken."
EB: "You really do walk into these things, don't
you Baldric ?"
- BA3
122 EB: "Who me sir ? Mr. thickie Black thickie Adder
thickie ? Mr. hopelessly dribbly, can't write for
toffee, crappy butler weed ? Mr. extremely under-
valued butler who hasn't had a raise in a
fortnight."
123 "Bend over Blackadder it's poker time"
- The baby eating bishop of Barton Wells
124 "But beneath is boyish exterior beats the heart of
a ruthless, sadistic maniac"
- EB talking to the "executioning crew" in Head,
BA2
Blackadder Quotes
125 Percy: "I use to dream of being an actor in my
youth. They did call me the man of a thousand
faces."
EB: "So how did you come to choose the ugly mug
you've got now?"
- BA2
126 "The Germans are such a cruel and inhuman race,
they have no word for fluffy"
- BA4
127 "As the good Lord says, love thy fellow man as you
love yourself, unless they are Turks, then kill the
bastards".
- King Richard IV, leaving for a Crusade, BA1
128 EB: "Percy, have you ever wondered what your
insides looked like?" Percy: "Sometimes My Lord,
yes."
EB: "Then I have the means here to satisfy your
curiosity."
- EB, wielding dagger, to Percy who is being his
usual moronic self, BA1
129 "So will I just shimmy up the drainpipe and ask her
if she wants to take a consignment of German
sausage ?"
- George, BA3
Blackadder Quotes
130 "The Prince wants to take your daughter for his
wife." "His wife can't have her !"
- BA3
131 "I want to be well known and famous and hundreds of
years from now I want my life's story to be told
weekly at 9:30 and I want to be portrayed by the
most heroic actor of the time "
132 "Father, Father, come quickly.... there seems to
have been a horrible] accident."
- BA to the king, concerning a canon and someone's
head, BA1
133 Peasants: "Who is that dark stranger", "That'll be
prince Edmund"
- BA1 ( after Edmund disguises himself with a piece
of string so no one with a grudge will give him the
plague )
Blackadder Quotes
134 EB: "Trial by water ?"
WS: "No, trial by axe ?"
EB: "By, er axe."
WS: "Yes, by axe. The accused head is placed on a
choping block with an axe aimed at it. If the axe
bounces off, the accused is guilty and is burnt at
the stake."
EB: "And if he is innocent?"
WS: "The axe simply CUT HIS HEAD OFF !"
EB: "How very fair!"
- Witch Smeller Persuivant (sp?) & Edmund BA1
135 "Ah, cappucino."
Baldrick confesses to BA that all the coffees that
have been served for the past few months have in
fact been mud, with dandruff for sugar and spit for
milk (I'm making myself sick typing this crap ..
anyway) Baldrick makes a cuppa for Captain Darling,
who upon receiving it looks into the cup, BA4
136 "Why don't you take a holiday Baldrick .... did you
enjoy it?"
- BA2 ?
Blackadder Quotes
137 EB - "You know what the good thing about this
present is
Baldrick ?"
[Inserts his hand and arm into Baldrick's empty
Christmas stocking]
Baldrick - "No"
EB - "You can use it again and again and again."
[EB withdraws his hand from the Christmas stocking
and punches Baldrick in the face a few times]
138 "Fortune vomits on my eider down yet again"
- EB, BA3
139 "I'm being crapped on (?) by cattle from the
devil's own satanic herd !!"
- EB, BA3
140 Henry Tudor(from behind curtain): "BAAAH"
Queen: "Oh Edmund, its the lying I find so
hurtful."
EB: "BAAAAH"
- While queen is searching Adder's room for
'female' company, after asking if any sheep were in
there and EB denying it.
141 "Bugger me with a fish fork"
- Gen. Melchett, BA4
Blackadder Quotes
142 "Go out and get me a goose so large you would think
its mother had been rogered by a bus."
- EB to B, Christmas Special
143 "Death and famine stalk the land like two great
stalking things."
144 "I only smoke after making love, so back home in
England I'm a twenty a day man."
- EB to Nurse Brown, BA4
145 "I'm as bored as a pacifist pistol."
- George
146 EB: "Surely you've noticed something in the air?"
G: "Yes, but I thought that was Baldric."
- BA4
147 "There was a tiny flaw in the plan. It was
bollocks."
- EB to G and B, BA4
Blackadder Quotes
148 "They seek him here
They seek him there
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere
Is he in heaven
Is he in Hell
and whats that revolting garlic smell"
- BA3
149 "I was then taken and hung by the larger of my two
testicles from the Wall of the Bastille. It was at
this stage I decided I'd had enough"
- BA3
150 "How hurt would you be if I gave you the honest
answer. I'd rather french kiss a skunk."
- EB to B, BA4
151 "Well if I've got it, then you've got it too now
sir."
- B to EB
152 "Oooh dear, Richard the Third..."
- Baldric, discovering who it is that EB has just
beheaded.
Table of Contents
Room Contents .................................. 1
Rumors at the Hotel ............................ 2
Bands at the Hotel ............................. 4
Movies at the Hotel ............................ 5
Shopping Mall Directory ........................ 6
Shopping Mall Directory sorted by number ....... 7
People at the Hotel ............................ 10
Blackadder Quotes .............................. 17
Mesa Overview .................................. 49
Hotel Cross Section (Players) .................. 50
Hotel Cross Section (Referee) .................. 51
Typical Suite Floorplan ........................ 52
Typical Tower Floorplan ........................ 53
Ballroom and Restaurant Upper Level ............ 54
Ballroom and Restaurant Lower Level ............ 55
Housekeeping Level ............................. 56
Main Lobby Upper Level ......................... 57
Main Lobby Lower Level ......................... 58
Maintaince Level 2 ............................. 59
Security Level 2 ............................... 60
Security Level 1 ............................... 61
Maintaince Level 1 ............................. 62
Mall Level 6, Marcie's department store ........ 63
Mall Level 5 ................................... 64
Mall Level 4 ................................... 65
Mall Level 3 ................................... 66
Mall Level 2 ................................... 67
Mall Level 1 ................................... 68
Garage Cross Section ........................... 69
Garage Lobby Level ............................. 70
Garage Air Traffic Control Level ............... 71
Garage Flight Deck Level ....................... 72
Garage Maintance and Parking Level ............. 73The text is wider than a small screen. Scroll the box sideways, or focus it and use the arrow keys.