STEALING DONUTS, part 1
Late 1117 through Early 1118
There just isn't that much to do in jump. You stand some watches, you
do some drills, run some diagnostics. This paticular crew, like many
others, got a little restless. Mind you, MC and Thilia got into a
computer prank war which ended after MC shot five slugs into the
bulkhead. And the Zhoe melted MC's boots (not that MC hadn't been
asking for it...). Rocky and MC booby-trapped Sean's solamani
bagpipes. Oh, yes, and then there was the time most everyone went
after Gertie's donuts...
It started on the first jump on the way home from Gushemege. Someone
did a smart thing making Gertie mission commander, since she was the
only person probably keeping the various hotheads on the crew from
killing each other. Since she was in charge, however, it took people
a while to get over being wary of her. After all, most people do find
an ex-cop over 2 meters tall rather intimidating...
Understand now, Gertie is a big girl with a lot of energy and stamina,
but even the Gerties of the universe hit the middle-age slump in
metabolism. Gertie's been fighting the battle of the pastry roll for
a few years now, and so far the pastries have been gaining on her.
She just likes those donuts too much.
Now, none of this escaped the crew. By the time we got out of
Gushemege, everyone knew about Gertie's attempts to cut back on the
snacking and to exercise more. And you know how some people are a tad
touchy about losing weight... Well, the marines on the boat decided
to help out a bit.
Gertie would get up every morning and make straight for the box of
pastries and donuts, piling at least five or six on a plate as her
breakfast. The marines decided to help her reduce her intake. Here
Gertie would be munching on a donut, distracted by conversation or
reading; while she was otherwise occupied, a marine would snake across
the deckplates and attempt to steal one or more donuts without getting
caught. For the first few days, Gertie was clueless. She actually
thought she was losing track of the number of donuts she ate.
It was inevitable for Gertie to catch on. One morning Gertie reached
for a donut at the same time one of the marines was. The poor sap was
slammed up against the bulkhead with an arm lock before he knew what
was happening. He was on the floor in a half-crouch when Gertie's
hand contacted his, and she actually picked him up off the floor and
twisted him in the air before flattening him against the wall.
"Only helping myself to a donut, Ma'am," he squeaked.
One blond eyebrow lifted, which of course, having his face mushed into
the bulkhead the marine couldn't see.
"I see," she said with a half-smile. "It might be healthier
to ask next time."
"Yes, Ma'am," he squeaked, "can I go now, Ma'am?"
"Oh I think so," and she took him by collar, dragged him over
to where Morris was sitting, and dropped him at Morris's feet.
"Sargeant, I think this might be yours."
Morris looked down at this poor sap, with a glance of contempt
for a botched attempt, and replied: "I'm afraid so, Ma'am. I'll take
care of him." And then, with a great flourish, Morris took a bite out
of the donut which he had stolen not a few seconds earlier from
Gertie's plate.
Gertie gave him the ol'eyebrow; and as she turned away, she
was heard muttering under her breath: "I'll get you for this,
Norris..."
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Gertie's a good sport, actually. Someone put Rocky up to stealing
some of Gertie's donuts. Enter one racoonid, wearing that wierd suit
of his, walking up-side-down on the ceiling. Down came the gapple hook,
up came the donut, and out flashed Gertie's hand, grabbing the donut
before it got out of reach.
"Do you mind?" Two blond eyebrows frowned.
"Just getting a donut <chitter>"
"Well, the box is over there on the counter - go get your own,
fuzztail."
"But yours were <chitter> closer, Gertie."
(Ever see a racconid try to play innocent? Well, it doesn't work
well. Racoonids are lousy liars.)
"Uh huh, Rocky, and you just happened to have a grapple hook
in your pocket by chance? Right." Gertie detached her donut from the
hook, moved the plate of donuts inside the bend of her elbow, and went
back to reading. Anyone listening, however, would have heard her
mutter under her breath: "I'll get you for this, Norris."
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The donut heists got more interesting once the big-guns like Sean and
MC got involved, but we'll save that for next time...