Jest fer fun... An excerpt from:
The Journal Entries of Dr. Sir Christopher Foxx, And Related Tales.
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Scott 2G Kellogg
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Journal Entry 065 / 1119 [ Language Barriers ]
I leaned back in my chair and threw my legs carelessly up on
the table. The familiar timorous howl of the jumpdrive was audible
through the inferior sound proofing of the scoutship's cramped
lounge as we left the Vargr Extents for the Imperium.
Thorknorrz walked in a moment later, the short vargr engineer
sat down and yawned and stretched tremendously, fur rippling over
the steel bands of his muscles.
Veronica climbed down from the turret to join us a moment
later. I admired her well formed thighs as she came down. Firm.
Nice...
"Those customs boats are always a pain." she complained. "I'm
glad you guys speak gveg."
"Well, you gotta be careful with the languages." agreed
Thorknorrz, "But once you can make yourself understood, you're ok."
I corrected Thorknorrz. "*IF* you can make yourself
understood. There have been a great many disasters spawned by just
a few mis-spoken words."
"Yeah, yeah." Veronica rolled her eyes. "Come on, Chris, just
a few words? If you can't speak the language, how can you say
enough to really screw it up? I just don't buy it."
"Oh, believe me." I cautioned her, "One of the biggest
disasters I've seen was just because of one mixed up *syllable*!"
"Yeah, right."
I took a deep breath and thought back, the details were there,
but it was a stretch to bring them back up. I pulled out a wine
bottle from the table's fridge and some glasses from the cabinet.
"This was *years* ago: back when I was in high school in Glisten.
I was only sixteen. I had only been learning gveg for a few
months, and the only phrase I knew with any confidence was
'Gvedreng ver galgalrrik?'"
Thorknorrz snorted and chuckled his amusement as I poured
three glasses. Veronica looked confused, so Thorknorrz translated.
"Do you speak galanglic?"
I nodded. "Exactly. Now, my gveg teacher, Mr. Babbit wanted
us to try out our gveg as much as possible. So, during our
vacation, he arranged for passage over to Brrelin: an asteroid in
the Glisten Belt which was entirely vargr. Of course, most of them
speak galanglic, so I felt I couldn't get into *too* much trouble.
There were other students going: one of the fourth year gveg
students, Rick. He was almost fluent. Anne was going, she was
decent in gveg. But there were three of us who spoke little or
none at all."
"So there were five of us. Rick and I were the only guys, the
three girls: Anne, Christine, and... oh yes... Renee. Yeah,
that's it. And, of course, Mr. Babbit. The girls were some of the
cutest in our school so of course I *had* to go."
Thorknorrz grinned. His tail wagging slightly.
Veronica ignored him.
I took a sip of wine. "The trip over was fairly uneventful.
We hopped a shuttle over to Brrelin. Took quite a while. There
was only one memorable incident on the flight."
I paused for a breath as Thorknorrz and Veronica waited for
the other shoe to drop. "You see, Anne always managed to confuse
'Voo' and 'Vrere'. That is: Where and Who. So the flight
attendant was rather confused when Anne asked her, 'Vrere gver shir
gvologahn?'"
Thorknorrz smiled.
Veronica shrugged.
Thorknorrz translated, "Who are the toilets?"
Veronica just rolled her eyes.
I continued, "Well, as I said, it was a long flight, and we
all arrived over there pretty tired. So we got out of the
spaceport and headed over to our hotel. We weren't staying at the
TAS hostel, because we wanted in on the local culture. But, Mr.
Babbit had picked a decent hotel right on the main street in
Brrelin. I forget the name of the hotel, but we were right on
Grroatfurstenbar. Or the 'Groatbar' as the Brreliners called it.
But by the time we got there, the Groatbaren were out on the
streets."
Thorknorrz was barking his laughter, so I had to explain it to
Veronica this time: "Groatbar is the street's nickname. The local
prostitutes are known as the Groatbaren: Which translates as
'Groat ladies'."
Veronica's eyes rolled.
I shrugged and continued, "Well, ol' Babbit was out of it. He
was asleep on his feet, but of course a bunch of teenagers out in
a strange place with lots of new things around weren't exactly
ready to quiet down yet. So, when Babbit collapsed in his room,
Rick went out to secure some refreshments."
I held up my wine glass to demonstrate what refreshments I had
in mind. Veronica grinned.
"Unfortunately, he bought the most *awful* wine you've ever
tasted. One sip, and I didn't want any part of it. Besides,
someone had to stay alert. So Rick, Anne, Christine and Renee
proceeded to *drink* that turpentine and got themselves fairly
merry."
I paused for a moment to refresh Thorknorrz and Veronica's
glasses. "So there I was, the only sober one in a room full of
drunken teenagers. Rick was plastered, slurring every second word.
But the girls weren't in such bad shape... Except..."
Veronica looked suspicious. "Except?"
I paused for thought. "Well... Nothing really... They
decided to wave at the passers by on the street... Nothing wrong
with that... Except... Well, the Groatbaren were selling their
wares right around our hotel. There was quite a crowd. I began to
wonder if someone might get the wrong idea. I mean, after all,
here *I* am with the welfare of three teenage girls in my hands,
and I had better look out for them, right?"
Veronica nodded. It seemed reasonable.
"But," I continued, "I didn't know enough gveg to explain to
anyone that this was all in innocence. What to do? I was getting
worried. A crowd was starting to gather."
Thorknorrz was intrigued. His ears focussed completely on me.
I drew a deep breath. "So, at first I tried to just persuade
the girls not to sit in the window, but they were too drunk to want
to listen to me... I was getting desperate. Rick was useless, I
thought and thought and thought."
I sipped again from my glass and made a show of having a dry
throat.
Veronica was growing impatient. "Well, what happened?"
"Well, I thought for a while, and decided that I had no
alternative except to try to explain. All I would need would be
just *one* word. I'd tell the crowd that the girls were just
crazy... Not... Groatbaren. So, I went over to Rick."
"Rick! Wake up! What's the gveg word for crazy?"
"Well, Rick was pretty dead to communication so it took a
while to squeeze it out of him, but he finally told me 'Gverrut'
for which the plural was 'Gverruten' I needed the plural for the
three girls, obviously!"
Thorknorrz nodded.
I beamed. "So, armed with this new word I went triumphantly
over to the window and announced to all Brrelin that these three
beautiful teenage girls were Gvekauften!"
Thorknorrz jaw hit the floor. He was paralyzed a moment with
disbelief before he doubled over convulsing with his earsplitting
vargr laughter. "HARF! HARF! HARF! HARF!"
Veronica just stared at us both.
"A riot broke out!" I continued, further reducing Thorknorrz
to a helpless pile of giggling fur, "I pulled the girls inside and
locked all the doors and windows. It wasn't long before the police
arrived to quiet things down. Fortunately, *they* spoke galanglic,
but they could barely believe that I had made such an awful
mistake."
Veronica was steamed. She just shook her head.
Finally, Thorknorrz calmed down enough to explain it between
the splutters of his giggles. "He tried to say 'Ver baret ged
gverruten.': 'The girls are crazy' But he said 'Ver baret get
*gveKAUFten*'!: 'The girls are *FOR SALE*!"
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"Language Barriers" |->
Author's note: For the disbelievers out there, I suggest you look
up the words in German.
Crazy: Veruchten
For Sale: Verkaufen
And yes, it is mostly true, but it was Berlin on Kurfurstendam. (Kuhdamen)
And no, I was *NOT* arrested.
2G Scott
"I'm having a hard enough time trying to live *** ****** down, and THAT
was FIVE YEARS AGO! I'm not exactly ready to post a sexshocker to the
TML." -- anonymous